No Canning Do's Just Canning Dont's!
If you can, can, can!
"Cause you can can can!
Yes, you can can can!
Or you can’t can’t can’t!" Moulin Rouge 2001 Lyrics
Because September 2007 is a Locavore Eat Local month and the emphasis is on preserving, mark my words, food blog upon food blog will be offering you tips on how you can can can. Not me, no siree, I already can can can. What I can can can also do is give you a few pointers on what you can't can't can't...
- Don't buy a pressure canner without first checking you have some enormous empty space in your home in which to store it.
- Don't start your first ever pressure canning project from scratch at 8.00pm on a school night.
- Don't swear.
- Don't pack as many tomatoes as you possibly can into your largest saucepan and turn on the heat. Instead add a few tomatoes at a time and make sure the lower ones break down to juice before adding more on top. Otherwise you will burn the bottom of your pan.
- Don't grow up in Europe otherwise you will not have the proper respect for botulism and the myriad of other things that could go terribly wrong if you can your own food.
- Don't curse.
- Don't wait until Labor Day to buy your canning jars. On Labor Day all the hardware stores and other thrifty suppliers of such equipment like the Rainbow Grocery are closed for the holiday.
- Don't install the disk of your food mill upside down. It is possible, but not recommended.
- Don't say bad words.
- Don't try to fill your kettle with the three quarts of water specified by your pressure canner and then try to boil it. Sure - 3 quarts do just about squeeze into your kettle but be warned - it will make a big watery mess everywhere when you try and bring the water to a boil.
-Don't wish it was last year, B.C. (Before extreme Canning knowledge) when you were blissfully naive, innocent and merrily canning your tomato chutney without a care in the world, using the simpler rolling boiling water method or whatever it is called.
- Don't decide you are going to can this year in order to save room in your freezer, when your freezer has acres of empty space but your bulging pantry doesn't have room to even accept one more jar.
- Don't embark on a canning project unless you think you will get extreme satisfaction from a loud popping noise in your kitchen that almost sounds like someone has been shot but is, in fact, just indication that your lid has concaved, your vacuum has sealed, you can safely remove the screw band and that the operation was a complete success...